I have No Idea what I’m doing.

I just know I have to do something.

Something has got to work.

I always have numbers rolling around in my head. I’m a numbers person~ so keeping things in order should be a normal to my day but~ it’s~ not.

Hours can pass like seconds sometimes.

Take for example * Today * I left my house at 7:06am. Two different schools. Two different cities. Total time to the schools and back home 1 hr 13 min. I arrived home at 8:45 am all pumped up to GET THINGS DONE!! And instead * I made a blog.

A blog.

I have not accomplished anything except call the doctors office, give the dogs my boys leftover breakfast and restart the laundry, for the 100th time, since yesterday morning. You know~ to get the wrinkles out. Seriously…

And now my phone alarm just went off that lets me know that it is nearly time to go get in the car line to pick up my little man+ because he likes me to be first in line. I think he feels like I love him more if I’m first. I don’t know. Regardless of what number car I am in that line.. He Is The Love Of My Life… just like his brother and my husband.

Every single day. This happens. I expect to do GREAT! Get Things Done! Make my home Beautiful. And Every Single Day = I do not get anything done but the bare minimum. Then piles begin to build up and it becomes overwhelming.

I am defeated before I start.

I make what was bad…worse.

I am making my house ugly

and

I don’t want to be ugly.

So I started reading how “organized” mom’s do it.

That really didn’t help either.

I’ve tried cleaning apps and created my own checklikst= didn’t work.

Something has to give.

So this is what I’ll do. And you may need to do this or something similar to help you. We all have to crack our own code. We are all uniquely and wonderfully made and we each work and act differently.

Today.. I really planned on getting my kitchen cleaned. It’s bad. Like a total nuclear reactor site had a melt down. There are so many dishes in the sink, you cannot tell where the sink begins and the counter ends. Every single counter is covered… with stuff. Some stuff has another home and some stuff I have no idea how it ended up there. I really wanted my kids to come home to a pretty home. Instead, I somehow lost coming up on 5 hours. How do I do this?

I have to change.

I do not like this.

I’m tired of this.

I want to do better.

I want to get better for myself and my family.

Now, I’m off to go jump in the shower because my son wants to go on a date after school to the pizza shop and my hair is icky. Once we get home I know I’ll be tired. I’m already tired. Fibromyalgia sucks everything out of me and leaves my body in pain.

So, my house is a wreck and it makes me feel like a wreck. A train wreck where all the rooms are the cars on the train and they are all derailed. All 11 cars (every space inside the house that is a wreck) have derailed and dumped their contents all over the place and it’s one big mess.

Well, I’m tired of being messy. Tired of being tired also. Tired of trying and trying and not accomplishing anything.

Today needs to be a change.

But … as usual I’m leaving my house a mess. I will walk back into a mess.

I just know one day I’m going to have it all together. All done. All organized, dusted, swept, mopped, vacuumed, fresh and clean!! I just know it.

Every single night I go to bed, saying and praying, tomorrow is going to be better.. I just know it!!

Now .. to get back in the road..

I won’t miss you messy house.